Wednesday, July 15, 2009

When it rains...

I don't normally get super-personal and emotional. I like my blog to have a happy, crafty feel. But sometimes you just need to get it all out. I know I mentioned my DH's root canals. He is feeling better and his work is scheduled for Tuesday the 21st. My BFF is having eye trouble, of the type that may cost all of her vision in one of her eyes and there may be no way to save it! This has me worried about her. That and the fact that Josh is getting better but S-L-O-W-L-Y and there's not really anything we can do to help, except fuss at him about correct meds and tell him to exercise like his therapist wants him to even when he doesn't feel like it. The point is to get his physical body moving and stimulated so is mind can further heal itself.
Grandmother is sick. She had a stroke over the weekend and they discovered "spots" on her liver and pancreas. They have told us that the cancer has spread to the bile ducts and there's NOTHING they can do for her. Nothing.
I don't even know how to say how sad and dejected this makes me feel. I know DH feels awful. I don't know what to do. We are both off work tomorrow (and both have to work on Friday) so we're going to drive over to B'ham and see her. I pray this is not our last chance, but don't want to risk not going. She is very depressed and upset. That is one thing I can understand. Some time before we got married she had breast cancer and a mastectomy. Ten years later, it showed up in the second breast and she had another. Just two(has it been that long???) years ago she had a soccerball sized mass removed from her abdomen.
I just don't understand how it keeps coming back.
She lost her youngest son a couple of years ago as well. My fear is that this is contributing to her depression.
She hasn't been answering the phone. This worries me too because I'd really like to talk to her and cheer her up. I lost all my grandparents a long, long time ago. One of my grandmother's died many years before I was born. Then my Big Daddy (my mother's dad). He died when I was in the sixth grade.
He had colon cancer. I watched him go from never being sick a day in his life to withering away so fast it was unreal. I remember the day he had surgery and the dr. walked into the waiting room to apologize because when they opened him up, there was nothing they could do. It was everywhere and before that they had told us they were going to take it all out and he would be fine.
It was supposed to be fine, it wasn't and thinking about it today hurts justas much as the day it all happened.
I lost my father's father the day we got back from our honeymoon... he had been having mini strokes and didn't really even know me before I got married.
My grandmother I lost in 2000. Right after we got Kayla. She was sick for months. But it was still hard to let go of her.
It feels like everything is falling apart right now. I can't do anything but sit here and watch it fall. I really really just want everyone to be ok.
I would say that even more than the dark or rape or torture, cancer is my biggest fear.
I admire anyone who can fight it. Grandmother has fought it so many times and come out ahead. Please just pray for Grandmother and her family. Pray that she is in no pain and finds peace however God wills it. Please pray for my friend's eye and her DH and their family because they are having such a rough time right now. Please pray for us, the root canals and the ability to deal with everything that is going on. That we may do the right things at the right times. To take care of our families and each other.
Thanks for listening to me go off. I really am feeling a little better now.
Blogs as a way to get emotion out...who knew?


  1. I am praying for you and your family! I hope things get better soon!!

  2. I will definitely be praying for you guys!! I hope it will get better soon!! BIG HUGS!!!


Comments, fuel for bloggers. :)